When Parents Fight for Their Kids

These parents essentially did a 15 year, continuous preference assessment to help their boys find their passion! It’s amazing.

Community member, Allan Schneider, shared this inspiring article with us.


The thing that sadness me is that frequently non-vocal/less vocal individuals are assumed to not have interests or passions, but all too often it is due to lack of exposure. Even individuals who might have struggles in other areas but are able to express themselves are frequently assumed to be limited in their interests.

Thankfully, my parents took a similar tack with me and my siblings. I have previously mentioned that my parents didn’t see me as disabled but rather as one of their 7 children who just needed a little different help. I honestly believe that that attitude is why I am a fully functional, independent adult with multiple degrees and an amazing set of life experiences. Well, their mantra was that me and my 6 siblings should be well rounded people. They constantly had us try new things. And in my case, the catalyst for change was none other than East Coast swing dancing.

After getting past the awkwardness of being a teenager, and the hesitation of dancing, I discovered a passion that lead me to embracing dancing. My teacher was passionate and patient. Her breaking down of specific steps and moves into observable behaviors and have us practice them over and over is a perfect example of discrete trial training (DTT) in real life, and after we had mastered each step or movement we moved on to the next.

I never went on to compete, and I only participated in a few performances, but that was not the point. The point was that I was exposed to something that I enjoyed. And for me, that exposure was pivotal because it gave awkward, teenage me, who struggled with connecting with people, something that I could share with passion. At dances instead of awkwardly flailing about and feeling isolated, I was teaching girl (and later a couple guys who approached me) how to swing dance. It resulted in me having conversations and being friends with a lot of peers. I caught my first girlfriend’s attention with dancing and was able to find many other connections because of my parents’ drive to have me and my siblings be well rounded.

Returning from the past now, I can say with joy that the center I work at embraces this same attitude. We are constantly exposing our clients to new activities and experiences. If they express their interest, great! We keep exploring. If not, we try other things. We never force new activities on them, and always listen to their preferences (or observe their behaviors like the parents in the linked article) to ensure that the activities are not aversive.

That is the heart of ABA and trauma-informed care; Using environmental factors and reinforcement to catalyze meaningful change within ourselves and others. Behavior analysis is an approach to understanding behavior that is systematic and measurable. It is a science of observation. Is there still more to observe and discover? I hope so! Have practitioners of the past made mistakes or made bad assumptions resulting in harm. That is why I advocate so adamantly for trauma-informed care, because it helps to address those mistakes and bad assumptions. We should not be defined by our mistakes. We should learn from them. I am sure that if we take this approach our efforts will create meaningful and powerful change for ourselves and our clients. It will lead to them having autonomy and dignity like never before. Ultimately, we should always be accountable to our clients first otherwise we lose sight of our mission. To help and support them.

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