Our verbal abilities create connections in amazing ways. Humanity is fantastic at problem solving as individuals and as groups. But this ability is a double edge sword. Because we can connect anything with anything through our verbal abilities, we can connect pain, fear, anxiety, and more with objects, situations, songs, words, thoughts, memories, and yes, even other emotions.
Acceptance that everyone feels physical and psychological pain is not exclusive to nihilism. In fact, that acceptance is an important part of being able to build resilience and compassion for yourself and others. The act of turning away from your pain pairs the things you do to escape from that pain with that pain. Avoidance creates a verbal connection between that avoiding and the pain which in turn forges suffering. It is when we turn towards the pain, accepting it and then moving toward our values that we see that the path of life, while filled with pain, is also filled with joy, meaning, love, caring, kindness, and more.
When I struggled most was when I sought to escape the pain. To hide from it. Struggles with my autism and not understanding the social interactions the I seemingly always screwed up, depression, a failing marriage, family struggles, disagreements, and crippling loneliness. All of these seemed to be the concrete shoes that pulled me deeper into the waters of despair, anxiety, and fear. It was not until I found a friend who understood and shared that the weight had been lifted.
The relationships I have built, and jettisoned, since are founded around my values. Interestingly, I have been told by close friends and family that I am happier and healthier. Whether that is true or not, the foundations of ACT were certainly in play in helping me overcome those challenges I faced then and will continue to face. The beauty of ACT is that instead of it being guesswork, I can directly identify what is happening and how I can help myself and others.
ACT is not a magic cure. It takes work, but it is work that is meaningful and worth it. I highly recommend you read a book on ACT. The ones I prefer are:
The Liberated Mind by Dr Steven C Hayes
Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Dr Steven C Hayes
ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris
Thank you for joining me on this week of ACT.
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